the exit

Come with me back to nature.

I want to hold your hand and walk with you through the garden.

So many lies and so many illusions we have been fed. Now I want to nourish you with food from my land.

My land not in a sense of ownership but in a sense of belonging to it.

I have bled cried and sank into this land throughout this life.

This is healing, this is balance I want to offer you.

We have been battered and conditioned. Now feel the warmth of my hand and let it give you peace.

I will lead you to the exit but you must choose to go through. Your freedom is yours already, for this is unsustainable.

Never fear, I’m here to keep you safe and strong.

Breath in the chaos of my love, and breath out your own creation.



I plant my feet in the earth my mother, my ancestors speak to me. I’m a conduit for the energy of this planet. I absorb the vibrations, microscopic particles moving at light speed. Minerals dance with me and teach me their secrets. I want to be like you, the essence of purpose. You are magnificent in your ability to fulfill your destiny.

The ride

The ride

As I drove I watched the lines in the road. I watched the time slide backward and then forward again. All at once I was a child and an adult. This road leads me to my origins my ancestral land. I hear whispers from other realms and I know this experience is magikal. I feel you there, you blow through my hair and stroke my scalp because you know how much I like this. I remember when you whispered to me as a kid. You called me that dysfunctional name, my brand name and it chilled me to the core. I am ready now, for what you want to show me. Our mind has made an agreement with the clock for consistency’s sake but I feel the continuum shifting and collapsing to throw me into you. I’m traveling an unknown speed on an unknown time table and suddenly I’m at the core of my vortex. The nexus of my creation and my undoing here I see beauty, I see all I have been offered.

Meditation 3/11

I feel my destiny is upon me but honestly I don’t fully know what that means. I have ideas about where life is going and what is coming to me but I have to remain open to all possibilities. I know things only get more exciting from here and I am determined to make the most of this cycle. I feel love like I have never felt it before. Love for myself love for humanity and love for the one I will encounter soon. I breath this out to you during my meditations. I hope you feel it, my energy the warmth radiating from deep within. That is me, my spirit is touching yours, comforting and caring for you. I want to do this physically but there are barriers both mental and physical. When you are ready, when you are truly in need of this I will be here. I am always here because I love you, in a way you do not yet understand. I love you because I recognize myself in you and you in me. We are already one so there is no desperation or sadness. No manipulation or resentment only a longing for unity for homecoming. I miss you.

Food police


I can’t tell you how often I have found myself yelling these words in my head. Luckily I am in control enough to keep myself from actually yelling it out loud but, it play’s out no less intensely in my head. I have fast food junkies in my life and no matter how much I rage inside my head this is what it is. Although I contain the bulk of my concern to my mind I have learned to do this based on past experience. Truly no one wants to hear all the time how much crap they are taking in especially when everyone around them is taking in the same stuff. Not only that but everyone else eating the same things seem to be completely safe and healthy.

I have learned that the best method is to plant the seed and let it grow. What I mean by this is quite simple, I’m learning to take on nature’s ways of patience and knowing. As with anything like this, one has to just live for inspiration. Let people see your life and how you benefit from living it the way you do. When others are ready to take on a bit of those benefits you see they will come to you and ask for insights. I’m not going to alter who I am so I relate naturally, I allow conversations to flow naturally and my knowledge and curiosity bring themselves to light. My passion for healing is ingrained in who I am, its a part of my personality so I talk about it on autopilot.

I’ve realized that I have come to a place where anyone who knows me doesn’t need me to say “don’t eat that” because it’s implied by the fact that I won’t. I’ve noticed this approach has even brought more people to me with questions. More people that I was shocked to see standing in front of me. I don’t care how it happens, the objective is to share information and optimize health. The reality is how can bark at people about how to live when I’m on my journey figuring it out as I go too. Fuck perfection, its boring I have way too many cookies sometimes. Frequently enough that anyone who knows me knows this. No one is going to go through life without vices, they are a part of it. But I feel amazing because my body is happy, and that is a different thing to every-body.

The sum of all actions should be treating the corporeal body well. Proper maintenance and proper fuel, like a car you love, only its your body so you get to eat yummy things. None of us will completely avoid all contamination because our environment is tainted and this is natural. No one is going to die because they ate a burger and fries, although eating this everyday will give one heart disease. Yes these things deteriorate our health but so does stress and negativity. The balance is in seeing what is happening and getting it together without beating one’s self up about it. The truth is sometimes seeing is exactly what is needed. The juxtaposition between me bouncing around happily and feeling sluggish congested and having headaches is seeing enough for people. The thing is most often these and other symptoms get labeled and we go out and get something at the pharmacy to treat it.

The beautiful thing and the nature of inspiration is that eventually everyone who is exposed to something other sees the link between it and the other lifestyle. In situations where the other lifestyle is perceived as more pleasant and peaceful we are bound to seek it out. It is our nature to pursue pleasure and this is what makes the whole thing run so to speak. How easy this makes everything that can seem so complicated. Be natural, authentically you let the happy it brings to you radiate. Others will absolutely want a piece.

Disney disfunction


I was just thinking about how when I was a little kid I loved the evil characters in a lot of cartoons and especially disney movies. It makes me laugh to think about because my younger brother always seemed at least a little confused or concerned about my cheering on of Cruella De vil or Jafar. I look back now and I realize that it’s not the evil I was appreciating. It was the nuanced behaviors they were framing and associating as evil. It’s femininity, pay attention the next time you watch a disney movie and you will notice that the male villains are always more effeminate than the hero in some way. Scar with his refined sounding british sing song voice or Gaston and his ponytail, the captain in the movie Pocahontas wore heels! What is disney saying here? They are implaning the subtle idea of the evil homosexual with an agenda to distroy families or the prospect for them by distroying heterosexual relationships. Deeper than that there is the chauvinistic idea of the serpentine feminine, portraying those behavioral traits in a conniving underhanded sort of light. Generalizations such as “girls are sneaky” or “women are two faced” have been perpetuated forever and these images and associations serve to reinforce this kind of garbage.

These films are showcases for american imperialist propaganda. They implant ideas into the youth that “good” men should be a certain way. The marlboro man image comes to mind, the burly, rugged, unrefined cowboy type image that has been used as a symbol of american culture. This is not a mistake, and everything has a purpose, this image association conveys to non americans the idea that the country as a whole is much like the marlboro man. Fearless and fearsome, strong powerful and hard to beat, the image is backed up by a disgustingly over funded military compared to ALL other countries on earth. It suggest to americans that this is the way we and our men should be the exclusion of variety suggests it is abnormal. This definitely applies to the gross lack of ethnic variety, because no Alladin and Tiana are not sufficient to counter balance all the images of good ol “normal” whiteness. In a more subtle way these films also suggest what a good woman should be. No matter what feats she has pulled off on her own (Mulan) or how tough and resilient she is (Cinderella) she should always be searching for her prince because only he can truly save her.

This kind of generalizations and ideological propaganda, bolster rape culture. Rape culture spread by the patriarchal nature of imperialism in the first place. I have no doubt rapes have happened since the beginning of humanity just as murders have. It seems to be nature’s way for the stronger to take advantage of the weaker. But there is a difference between some specific happenings and a sublte cultural reassurance that femininity equals inferiority. This mentally associates those who exhibit qualities already associated with that energy with weakness of character or physicality essentially putting a target on our backs. I can’t count all the times I have shocked people to the core because they approached me expecting weakness in light of their observation of my behavior. The associations do permeate every aspect of human culture at this point. Objectively observe the way creative/artistic behavior is framed unless you have already been accepted as one of their greats, a requirement for which might be death.  Until then one’s passion is minimized as hobby or even laughed off in some circles. This sentiment is based on the energy and therefore the channeler not the creations themselves. Everyone loves beauty but it’s not to be owned channeled and used in power, it’s to be controlled and stamped for approval by the imperial patriarch. Sorry disney fans but these films are a weapon in the arsenal of those who want to manage our beliefs and therefor our perceptions.

I look forward to my brother reading this, i’m sure this little piece of our childhood will make a lot more since to him. After he’s done laughing at how deeply I have analyzed this idea of course.

Army of love

Being two spirits is a a part of my challenge, an entergral detail in my mission here in this life. I have known my whole life that I was different, in part because it’s just something I sensed but also because those outside of me never let me forget. As I have come to understand my own identity better and come to terms with what I am I have noticed something. The theme of nonconformism is a strong one in my cycles and life patterns if that makes sense. I’ll bring it home a little in case it doesn’t. Even looking at my astrological chart this is indicated by uranus sitting right in my first house of self. I think of the first as the house of ego. This house represents one’s outward appearance in terms of personality, and even one’s body. While uranus is the planet of revolution, unconventionality, invention, and even sudden changes, think electricity. Not only do I have this placement in my chart but the planet is conjunct my mars (motivation, drive) this amplifies the energy and connects it to my nature again. Not that I need my chart to show me what my body my personality and life experience has shown me to be true. It’s confirmation in black & white so to speak and being able to pinpoint the nature of these energies verbally does help me understand it all better. It’s helpful knowing that this energy is such a big part of who I am because I can take preemptive measures against issues like the tendency this placement gives me to initiate change just for change’s sake. At least when I feel the urge coming I know I’m not flipping out, this helps me simmer so I can take a step back and plan for success. Everything in my chart taken into account, I see there are lessons for me and therefore lessons for others. Love is a funny thing in the sense that we are all susceptible to the feelings but none of us really understand it completely. This is where I come in apparently, the purpose of my complicated and honestly understandingly confusing humanity. I see the clues everywhere from my experiences to my chart, I’m a love revolutionary by birthright. Lets take this apart a little more, uranus is also the planet of humanitarianism and friendship sort of another facet to the revolutionary energy. Keep in mind that this energy is amplified and tied to my will. I have no choice in the matter, not that I would have it any other way but I’m bound. Venus the planet of love and pleasure makes three trines or angles of ease, luck, and talent including one with uranus. Love is an art for me, something I realize I have been trying to truely understand the nature of my whole life. I have always been dripping with love in a sense, my mom tells stories about how surprisingly nurturing I was as a little kid and I’m this way to today. The strength of venus in my chart and the electrically alluring energy of uranus attract people in spite of my nonconventional… everything. Being able to understand my chart has helped me to understand something that deep in some part of me I have always known. It’s my charge to show people that love is spiritual, irrelevant of gender, sexuality, race, religion or lack thereof, these things are constructs designed to divide. That the very nature of true love is unconditional, that it doesn’t adhere to societal boundaries as our thinking often does. There is a difference between feeling or sensing and thinking, I believe they are done through the spirit and the mechanical brain respectively and I am designed to be a symbol of love’s true nature. You see love is the essence of revolution. This energy has the power to collapse all constructs including this mind control matrix that we live in. We are not being mentally hijacked by brute force, we are being divorced from our spirits by our own devices however implanted they may be. The revolution will not be televised in this instance because it is not physical, we are not in a struggle to free shackles we are fighting for our minds.

Turn it into love

Turn it into love

I was talking to a good friend the other day and the conversation turned to inspiration. I wasn’t necessarily floored to find out that I inspired him but it was amazing to hear it for some reason. I guess that’s just not what one gets used to in life. No matter how great you may think you are, people aren’t generally reliable for self esteem boosting and life affirmation. We all have so much drama going on in our own lives, traumas that we are dealing with and acting based on. This is the reason that we so desperately need more of the very things we are constanly denying each other. Whats so hard about looking at the person next to you randomly and letting them know you think they are awesome?! The more I tune into the concept the more I see that’s what were here for. I once read something that likened human interaction to chemical reactions, in which each substance leaves the interaction as a different substance. I have no doubt that this is in fact the case, as I am an extremely different person than I was when I met the very friend I’m referring to. Sure, in some part because of change that comes with time but definitely due in large part to the inspiration I receive from this person and everyone else in my life. I wouldn’t be who I am without the communities I’m a part of. At the same time they don’t make me who I am, of course one should never allow their community to strip them of individuality. But truly, none of us would do anything worth doing if we weren’t in some way inspired to do it by those around us. I realize that the conversation would have never turned to me being told how inspirational I am had I not invited it by being open about the way I feel about people. You see a while back I decided to be completely free with my love and positive energy. When I appreciate a person’s presence I let them know in the moment that I feel it. I try to make it clear how and why I feel it. I don’t care how it comes off or whether they feel the context is wrong. The fact is so far I have never had anyone say they did, the reaction is always a beautiful smile and appreciation at being appreciated. Then I feel even more rad at getting it back and a reaction is set off in which the feeling just expands. I enjoy the look of surprise I get sometimes just before the 100 watt smile. An indication that there is not enough appreciation going around but I’m putting an end to this in my sphere of experience and It has worked! Life can be tough and sometimes our best seems nowhere near good enough. We all need reassurance that we’re good enough from time to time. Just do it for your loves there is no downside. We stand to live in a much more peaceful world and the only obstacle is getting over ourselves. 

 ♥ ♥ ♥