180+ days on HRT and some catching up in nature

Almost 7 months on hormone replacement therapy. Really late update for month 6 and catching up on happenings since month 5 update. Recorded 6/8 so at this point I am inside month 7 lol. More updates on the way.♥♥♥

Changing my gender marker/ The time my gender identity was challenged in public!

Beginning the process of changing my gender marker on legal documents. The stories of the two times that my gender was questioned in public. And a message for you.

Vlog4: Living in the present/Self abandonment.

One only hides parts of themselves. There is not separation from innate qualities. I have received some really good feedback on these videos! Thanks for the love and it feels great to know that you enjoy them, that you are extracting inspiration from them. I truly feel I am fulfilling my purpose here through this. ♥

Vlog1: Gender identity and gender dysphoria

Here is a bit of my story and a little catching up on what I have been doing. I share these parts of my life because I want people to benefit from some of what I have seen. Your struggle may not even seem similar to mine but we all work to master our destiny and love ourselves. I’m calling this Vlog1: Gender identity and gender dysphoria for now but it is kinda goofy too. Enjoy! ♥

Some words + Some art

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Manic world. Depressed human. Locks. Chains. Cords. Keys. Strangled. Inhibited. Out of control. Confused. Knowing too much. Not knowing enough. Victim to emotion. Desperate. Depreciate.

What do you seek?

Power = Control

Self knowledge = Freedom

EXPAND into infinity.

Hard

kittyI was just thinking about a conversation I had with a friend about a week ago. He said people are like cats in the way that we relate to each other. It was very funny in the moment but he was making a keen observation. Cats are capable of ambivalent feeling and it can be very pronounced in their behavior. I love the company of cats and typically they love mine but I have always sensed that they think about eating me. If house cats could magically be big like there wild relatives I believe they would have to decide everyday whether or not to eat those they live with and for some it would be a struggle. Not unlike humans at all. We are moderating impulses based on many emotions/thoughts happening simultaneously at all times. The point he was making was people are capable of anything, any evil and any good regardless of their relation to each other. I have noticed that it seems as though everything in nature has the impulse to prey on the weaker, the smaller. As cruel as this sounds I believe this may be a part of the collective survival instinct, clipping away the weak to conserve resources for the more likely to succeed biologically. Another great illustration of this is gardening, we prune away the dying and weak parts of plants so that the energy is diverted to grow the strong. Don’t get me wrong, this feels harsh and bitter to me as well but my capacity for ambivalent thought also allows me to see the necessity in it. The thing is nature is ambivalent it is neutral and the progression of all things is based on survival not good or evil, sweet or bitter. The beauty of sentient beings is our capacity for love. This is the component that prompts us to moderate our impulses and we are varied in our capacity for love. Just as it is necessary to prune plants so they grow strong and beautiful. Its is necessary to have harsh experiences through interaction to strengthen our identity, our bodies so we are strong and beautiful. The energy is neutral all encompassing and we are like crystals in the sense that we split the spectrum. We can focus on some waves and release the others in a rainbow of color if thats what your into. We are only victims when we think of ourselves that way. The next time someone attacks your character respond with strength and pride and see that is what they are really looking for. Watch how the evil is deflated and the respect is inflated. ♥