I’m not bored. I’m doing nothing.

My intire life like many I have struggled with the situation of doing nothing. Doing nothing and being ok with it is very much frowned upon in our society and I guess I get it to a degree. We do need to sustain our lifestyle and for most that requires work of some kind. Beyond that though why are we taught to be almost overly ambitious. We watch each other and compare ourselves as we were taught to by authority figures since early in life. We brag to each other about aaaall the dope shit that we are doing and what does it get us? Love? Nope. More friends? Not the real kind. More things? Maybe but will these make us happy? Absolutely most likely not. I suffered exhaustion burnout and a legitimate breakdown 3 years ago because I was between jobs (although I had one lined up and everything) and would not allow myself and my lifestyle at the time would not allow me to sit still and work through all the traumas I endured throughout my life. Traumas I suffered like everyone else because I was weakend by not feeling as right or good as some of my counterparts. Would you believe I have actually had someone I admired (not a family member) tell me out and out that I was not ambitious enough. Although I had moved to the opposite end of the eastern seaboard became a licensed professional and attended several colleges all while working to survive in cities with higher cost of living than any other I had ever lived in before I left home. One being Boston one of the most expensive cities to live in in this country! I will never forget how I died inside the almost panic it produced in me. Needless to say it was one of several things that ruined my view of this person as a mentor. The worst part of it was this woman was enduring grave illness that she told me herself she thought was brought on by extreme stress and worry. I won’t go into details but in the short time that I rented a room in her house she talked to me in depth about uncontrollable situations that she tried with so much effort to control. I saw her worry about what her boyfriend was doing to an extreme degree even asking me to drive while she spied on him which I was willing to do because I hate liars and people who disregard other’s feelings but when I asked about causes for suspicion she couldn’t really give me one only causes for insecurity. My point is over ambition especially when misdirected into something like controlling uncontrollable things will only cause us to disappoint and turn in on ourselves because we can never accomplish that. There is as much of a place for doing nothing as there is a place for ambition. These are the times in life where we often get our best inspirations when we can hear that little voice of divinity or our higher self or whatever you call it whisper to us. I have done a lot of healing doing nothing. 💜

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